Thoughts this past year...one being, "get over it?" oh, don't bother crying on my shoulder ever again.

I don't like to complain. I really don't. However, I have to say that the planet is full of people who don't realize how quickly our world is falling apart because of plastic and pollution to make things we want as consumers. Our oceans are sucking up all the carbon dioxide and the fish are eating the plastic, and our planet is dying. We can pretend we don't have time to care, but eventually we will have to or our kids will have to. Either way, hear hear to those who try to make it a better place.

This being said, we have to live here and we have to live here how we want within reason. We have our lives to worry about. We have questions, well I do, like "what is home? - where do I want to live? - who are my REAL friends? - what is most important to me? etc". You have a few people you have done so much for and would do so much for you.  Friends or family who want you to stand by their side when they are in times of trouble, they would do the same right? Hopefully! If you rarely complain, and listen immensly to the complaints of others, and then you do complain and it doesn't suit the person and you are told to "get over it", your view can vastly change, and honestly the answer should be "don't bother crying on my shoulder anymore like you have in the past." Do you really say this out loud though? Maybe you should.

Sometimes we live in a world with an eye of optimism and see places or people as amazing, even though we know the truth. Humans tend to look at the world through filters, and when we purposefully remove those we can see what we truly want, not what others want for us. What kind of world do we want, and what kind of world do we need to survive as a species on a social and environmental level? Think about it.

Serious or silly?

I think my blogs are really too intense and weird. I wanted to write something lighthearted because to be honest, super duper serious people, or people who have their own sense of humor that is really limited, make me feel uncomfortable. I connect mainly with silly people, who can also have a serious conversation. Not the other way around.

Winter chills...

There is nothing worse as an individual, to not be taken seriously and to not be allowed to be taken seriously. Sometimes you may throw yourself completely into and then out of life, only to be forced to smile when you can't, say hello or goodbye when you don't want to, and only because you are viewed as a bad person, when you aren't. But if you are, you can forget expressing yourself. However, that can cause every aspect of your life to have distraction, especially if you are made to feel wrong in the things you do or feel or question. Sometimes it takes your breath away. Do other people think this way or even feel this way? I wonder...

Dreams

I have always had vivid dreams. They help me write, etc. The other day (thanks to the show "The Walking Dead") I had to move to Atlanta, Georgia, and I was really upset about having to go there. I also dreamt about Mermaids and this song was playing in my head. SO funny because I never had paid attention to this song before, and am not even sure the last time I heard it.



So strange. Bono, what are you trying to say?

Especially in Michigan...

As the Chili Peppers say in their song Especially in Michigan, "Cry me a future. Where the revelations run amok".

I moved back to Michigan February 2010. I had been away for 5 years. I felt a pull to Arizona, and had nothing keeping me in Michigan, had I, I may never have left. Leaving when there is something to be left behind, is not usually the most solid time to leave. However, after years of exploring the great state of Arizona, and working there and making new friends, a new home, and expanding my family, something pulled me back home. Without going into every detail as to why I left and why I needed to come home, I have to admit that something was left behind. My family. Living away from people sometimes hurts more than one can really think. It is hard to imagine what it feels like until you do it.
Sure, you are fine for awhile, and excited with the newness and the exploration ahead, but my heart strings were always connected back to a place I swore I most likely would not return. Michigan.

I missed my parents and my friends and other family, and REALLY missed my sister. I talked to my mom and my sister almost everyday, especially after the birth of my daughter, Sofia. I missed The Great Lakes (I made it a point to make sure I made it up to Traverse City when I returned, since I had never been), Cider Mills, family holidays, parties that everyone had that I only could read about on Facebook, the birth of my friend's children, day to day options of visiting people I loved, places like the Woodward Avenue Brewery, other Ferndale places, Ann Arbor, friends, family, and the beauty of my birth home in general. Don't get me wrong, my family and I experienced some wonderful things in Arizona, but sometimes if something is missing, it is missing, and nothing can fill that space, unless you grab it, and fully embracing it until that space is no longer there. Sometimes that is not in the plan, but...Tis life.

Although this song is about touring and being away from the one you love, this is a great way to express what I wrote above...


Now, I have a whole different adventure to look forward to. Michigan isn't a place where I feel I need to feel stuck. There are so many new things here. I also have a daughter to show things too. This is a place of family and friends and reconnecting with everyone and meeting new people, exploring parts of the state I have never seen, and having new adventures!

The way I am (in the Autumn...and other times...)

I am a woman and a mother, a lover of life, nature, humanity, and the environment. I can be loud, rude, and passionate, but I have a huge heart. I love the Autumn, and the summer, the east, the west, the desert, the midwest, and all three coasts (Lake Michigan included). The world is a vast place, and helps me to write. I love people, and I hate people, but mostly love them. Music, and creativity are the best ways to explain all that makes us who we are.

Ingrid Michaelson-great lyrics and song "The Way I am"


and a mom...who loves the cider mill

I love Autumn

Last Autumn I was in North Carolina, enjoying the colors. With the coming harvest comes death, but right before this is the beauty of Autumn. Reds, yellows, and amazing oranges can be seen all over. Living in the deserts of Arizona for 5 years I began to miss the Autumn and drive up north into the mountains where we could see the colors. However, last year was a reuniting with my love of this time of year, however its length in time is always too short, but what keeps us happy about it, is knowing that next year, we can reach out and feel it again, if we choose to be where it is possible to see, smell, and feel the beauty of the changing season.

This was North Carolina...

Now onto glorious Michigan, seen in the picture at the bottom of this post.
My camera was broken unfortunately for this odd fall back to my home state. I missed out on taking breathtaking pictures of the colors, but I want to emphasize again, that the orange colors seem to stay, and be the last ones, when all the other colors have turned to brown and death...

Another beautiful thing about this time of year is the cider mills, orchards, donuts, Halloween, and many other festivals that have come and gone this year in a whirlwind of craziness. I will post more on this subject, maybe in more detail about the "events", with pictures from such events. Seeing Sofia begin to appreciate these things as a child, not just a baby, is very exciting for me and my future seasons with her.
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Autumn wins you best by this its mute
Appeal to sympathy for its decay.
- Robert Browning